In the Most Emily-ist of Fashion

In my extensive years and extensive wisdom, I have learned many important lessons. Unfortunately some of them have been learned the hardway. But I digress... On this 25th anniversary week of my entrance into this lovely world, I'd like to take the opportunity to share with you my "Top 25 Things I've Learned in the Most Emily-ist of Fashion"

1. Dont wear a short(ish) light-weight dress on a windy day when visiting a new church. People will know you more quickly than you were expecting.

2. Take out the trash on a regular basis. People judge you if you don't. And then will ask over and over and over and over and over again why you didn't do it. (PS If I had an acceptable answer, I would have told you the FIRST time you asked)

3. It is okay to build completely new patios if it makes your neighbors clean up their backyard as well. Suckas! It's is especially okay to do this with your dad. Bonding over retaining walls at its finest!

4. It is not okay to put Mindilicious on speaker phone with your office door open. Sometimes the woman's mouth is on fire and the wrong person might just happen to walk by. Like your boss. No, not Jesus. Though I'm certain He heard it, too.

5. It IS okay to still talk to your Mom everyday. She's cute and will always make your day a little better.

6. Find a RHYTHM (a healthy, sustainable, life-giving, pattern that works for you) and just do it. Quit finding excuses. Life begins when you're 'in-step.'

7. You can't give it out, if you don't have it yourself. Oh so wise. So, so wise.

8. Best not to call your dog by his nickname when the neighbors are out or small children are around. You might be tagged as intolerant.

9. When your Sister tells you to read a book and even goes as far as to buy it for you, actually read it. Mama didn't raise no fool with that one! That book might just change your life. AND if it does, its completely appropriate to pass it onto everyone you know.

10. Make check-lists if necessary. A visual reminder never hurts anyone.

11. Always check to make sure that your window rolls down BEFORE you're in the middle of the drive through.

12. If you're going to get caught for something you shouldn't be doing, own up to it before you're called out on it. It makes the punishment far less. Right Mindilicious? I think we both know the high school party were talking about here....

13. When drinking a beer or seven at higher altitude, remember that less oxygen means faster and stronger effects.

14. It's completely appropriate to pick up the dog poop before a bag of it weighs 33 pounds.

15. It is also okay to watch where you're walking. Those cracks might just jump out and get you when you're least expecting it.

15.5 It is NOT okay to sit in Hy-Vee after falling over one of those cracks and cry. Even if you haven't had water that day. It's just not acceptable. Unless Jeffry is there. Then cry away.

16. If you want to buy one of the cutest and kindest black labs ever, totally do it. Even though they poop like a machine and shed like an alpaca, they're so darn wonderful. They kiss you when you least expect it. Snuggle with you when you need it most. And make you care about something other than yourself. They also are a good form of birth control. Because if you're complaining about letting the dog out at 3am, imagine what a child would be like.

17. It is okay to call the police if there are unidentified animals trapped in your window wells. It is also okay to let them have their guns drawn if it means that innocent lives will be saved. Mainly Ro in his blue terrycloth robe.

18. When you decide you want to buy a house, do it within a week. It really helps to cut down on the nerves and anticipation. There really is no time like the present. Also- assemble a mob of children to help you move. They accept many forms of payment, and will enjoy the extra space to inhabit.

19. Don't let Asians live in your basement or cook in your kitchen. It's potent.

20. Cherish the people you love. Make memories that last. And honor the lives that they lived. And if they ask you to do a monkey call, always do it. You never know when you might be able to monkey no-more.

21. Harry Potter is much more than a children's book. Read it for the lessons of faith, purpose, endurance, and self discovery that it really is. Remember that, "It is our choices, that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities" - Professor Dumbledore

22. Work at Family Video if for no other reason than to get the free movies. Your cable bill will thank you.

23. When people are mean to you, take it as a challenge. Don't let the mean girls in a bar or hurtful emails get you down. Consider it your privilege to show them that you are stronger than that.

24. Love your work. It makes it less difficult to get up everyday. And on the hard days, a prayer never hurts anything.

25. Above all else (even if this quote comes from a show that has the good parts edited out by TBS) "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one that you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous." -Carrie Bradshaw